Sunday, February 5, 2012
Life is like a cigarette, without realising it you are puffing it away into the thin air and when start to realise it was gone and it will be too late. If only you realised that I could be this cigarette of yours.
It was never easy to forgive and forget but somehow if you want to be ruler of your life than you need to master BOTH of them at the same time. Some fights or problems were tough but worth it in certain ways. I start to question myself is all these worth it? I believe that, it will be worth it, so please don't prove me wrong.
Remember for what I have been crushed down can always be rebuilt again for if you have strong foundation beneath it, build it back yourself or best, build it both together, remember for you and your life partners are one, and you should be working it out together no matter how touch it will be.
I hope, we can build this foundation back together, despite the scars or hurt within. Let time wash away all the sorrows.
*- If you do not know how to draw a clear line between yourself and other girls ; than I will have to draw a clear line between me and you ; you make the choice -*
what we could have been, 7:15 PM.
There isn't a need to talk about building trust anymore when you can't even tell me one truth. Don't blame me for not trusting you in every single thing cause you brought all this upon yourself. Your action speaks alot. The present in your bike boot, when she mentioned she wanna vomit sitting on your bike, when you said you are at her house downstair waiting for her, I knew it that you went to fetch her. If your conscious is clear, just let me know... Why do you want to hide it from me? No matter where I go, what I do, I make it a point to let you know cause I respect you. And how about you? Do I even matters to you?
Now I don't even want to hug you when I'm sitting behind your bike, I cant stop thinking how other girl holding your waist behind you when you brake or whatsoever. Now I don't even wanna look you straight in your eyes, cause all I see in your eyes is LIES.
I chose to live on. I chose to let you do what you like. In future whether do you wanna be frank to be or lie to me, its all up to you. I have NO MORE TRUST or FAITH in you anymore. Don't blame me for being cold towards you.
This valentine day, so not looking forward.
My life = work + studies, and nothing else!
HURT once or twice, is enough to be painful for a lifetime.
Now I don't even want to hug you when I'm sitting behind your bike, I cant stop thinking how other girl holding your waist behind you when you brake or whatsoever. Now I don't even wanna look you straight in your eyes, cause all I see in your eyes is LIES.
I chose to live on. I chose to let you do what you like. In future whether do you wanna be frank to be or lie to me, its all up to you. I have NO MORE TRUST or FAITH in you anymore. Don't blame me for being cold towards you.
This valentine day, so not looking forward.
My life = work + studies, and nothing else!
HURT once or twice, is enough to be painful for a lifetime.
what we could have been, 4:05 PM.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Back together, but everything seems different. The trust and faith is no longer there. This is the last, and only chance given to you. No words to describe how hurt I have felt... Especially I made myself to trust you and you proved me wrong.
Everyone says that NS is the best time to test the love any couple would have, and the most scenerio would be the girl being unfaithful or whatsoever... But.....Probably Im a bad girlfriend, not having enough time for you... Maybe you feel lonely... maybe maybe.... But the time I spent was on work and studies, is it fair for me huh? Im fighting for my future, our probably our future.. but what are you doing? Doing things you think it is fun to hurt me?
Even in the eyes of my mum, I was the bad one... How much I have done to protect you and you dont even understand?
The last chance, I know everything will be different though.... Really need more time to cool down.....
I hope, you can promise me this time round, and fulfil what you had to fulfil... If you love me, you will do anything for me, dont you?
Everyone says that NS is the best time to test the love any couple would have, and the most scenerio would be the girl being unfaithful or whatsoever... But.....Probably Im a bad girlfriend, not having enough time for you... Maybe you feel lonely... maybe maybe.... But the time I spent was on work and studies, is it fair for me huh? Im fighting for my future, our probably our future.. but what are you doing? Doing things you think it is fun to hurt me?
Even in the eyes of my mum, I was the bad one... How much I have done to protect you and you dont even understand?
The last chance, I know everything will be different though.... Really need more time to cool down.....
I hope, you can promise me this time round, and fulfil what you had to fulfil... If you love me, you will do anything for me, dont you?
what we could have been, 11:23 AM.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Why have things turned out to be this way ?
When the trust is no longer there, it hurts so much ... The same cycle over and over again. If I need a fall to learn, I'm having a great fall now , and it's real pain.
Have been covering my emotions at work and school and at home... To act like I'm fine and co concentrate at work and make e crews laugh when I can't even laugh myself ... I hate this mixed feelings...
Whatever things changed in this world, I'm sure my love for you remains....
When the trust is no longer there, it hurts so much ... The same cycle over and over again. If I need a fall to learn, I'm having a great fall now , and it's real pain.
Have been covering my emotions at work and school and at home... To act like I'm fine and co concentrate at work and make e crews laugh when I can't even laugh myself ... I hate this mixed feelings...
Whatever things changed in this world, I'm sure my love for you remains....
what we could have been, 10:52 PM.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Being hurt once and twice is enough ; or rather more than enough I should say. When can you ever understand that I was serious and totally affected by you? All you do was to smile while I'm crying and hurt. Why must all these go over and over again like a cycle? Tell me, how am I supposed to find the trust and faith in you again? I tried to trust you again since last year, but all these had to happen again.
Am I not being a good girlfriend enough or are you lonely? Am I not spending enough time with you? Whats wrong seriously?
Totally hurt by you this time round ; I guess I wont be able to find back the trust I had in you anymore.
Thank god, I will LOVE myself more from now on.
I hope you would read this, if it happened again, sorry, I will be gone forever.
Hurt. Blinded. Gone.
Am I not being a good girlfriend enough or are you lonely? Am I not spending enough time with you? Whats wrong seriously?
Totally hurt by you this time round ; I guess I wont be able to find back the trust I had in you anymore.
Thank god, I will LOVE myself more from now on.
I hope you would read this, if it happened again, sorry, I will be gone forever.
Hurt. Blinded. Gone.
what we could have been, 5:57 PM.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Even though it was just a short trip to town with you and it's just a window shopping , I really enjoyed it ... You are the love of my life...
Well, girls are always sensitive ... Don't you know this ? I dunno why I'm being sensitive ... It's not a matter of no trust .. But it's a matter of how my heart feels .... Maybe I'm bein paranoid just because you are good friend to your ex.. Other people may be able to accept the fact that their current bf or gf can be friends with their ex.. But to me , I beg to differ ...
Well, girls are always sensitive ... Don't you know this ? I dunno why I'm being sensitive ... It's not a matter of no trust .. But it's a matter of how my heart feels .... Maybe I'm bein paranoid just because you are good friend to your ex.. Other people may be able to accept the fact that their current bf or gf can be friends with their ex.. But to me , I beg to differ ...
what we could have been, 1:27 AM.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
When everything goes wrong, how am I going to make it right ?
Too much things have been happening recently , what's worse if school starts , how can I cope ? I have been trying to take things easy and try to stay positive. Seriously , trying hard and I did ... But was all this self denial ??
First, I was upset with my own performance at work ... Two no show cases of assessment, did I not do enough to make it perfect? I knew I did my best, but I still screw up as I concentrate too much on my exam on the start of the month , and when I'm back to work., I concentrate too much on making his birthday surprise ... This negligence of work is totally unacceptable ... To me , I want zero no show case ! Am I seeking for perfection? Is my expectation too high ? Was it just me ?
Next, been running in and out of hospital due to grandma condition , we all knew that she do not have much time left and I certainly wanted to accompany my mum to go through this hard time , and I knew that she needs me the most ... But how could I make myself excuse from work ? That would be extremely irresponsible to do so ... I love my family but I can't neglect my work .. What should I do ?
Next , you left the present at my house . Is the present not important to u ? After doing so much for u ? I don like it when u pushed me away yesterday ... Do I deserve all these ? Why can't u treat me good like how u treat other girls ? Why can't u be soft to me rather than being fierce to me ? When is the last Time u said ... I love u ??
Sometimes , I really wished to have someone to talk to ... Last time , I have u ... But now , I do not know who to turn to... I had a bad day at work , being scolded by customer because I m protecting my own crew ... Had a busy and tired day , and another crew grumble saying I ignore her but I was troubleshooting the kvs .. N worse still , u call n attitude me ... N I was troubled with my ach enrollment ... Ya , make everything my fault so that all of u will be happier !!!!!!!!!
Fuck
Too much things have been happening recently , what's worse if school starts , how can I cope ? I have been trying to take things easy and try to stay positive. Seriously , trying hard and I did ... But was all this self denial ??
First, I was upset with my own performance at work ... Two no show cases of assessment, did I not do enough to make it perfect? I knew I did my best, but I still screw up as I concentrate too much on my exam on the start of the month , and when I'm back to work., I concentrate too much on making his birthday surprise ... This negligence of work is totally unacceptable ... To me , I want zero no show case ! Am I seeking for perfection? Is my expectation too high ? Was it just me ?
Next, been running in and out of hospital due to grandma condition , we all knew that she do not have much time left and I certainly wanted to accompany my mum to go through this hard time , and I knew that she needs me the most ... But how could I make myself excuse from work ? That would be extremely irresponsible to do so ... I love my family but I can't neglect my work .. What should I do ?
Next , you left the present at my house . Is the present not important to u ? After doing so much for u ? I don like it when u pushed me away yesterday ... Do I deserve all these ? Why can't u treat me good like how u treat other girls ? Why can't u be soft to me rather than being fierce to me ? When is the last Time u said ... I love u ??
Sometimes , I really wished to have someone to talk to ... Last time , I have u ... But now , I do not know who to turn to... I had a bad day at work , being scolded by customer because I m protecting my own crew ... Had a busy and tired day , and another crew grumble saying I ignore her but I was troubleshooting the kvs .. N worse still , u call n attitude me ... N I was troubled with my ach enrollment ... Ya , make everything my fault so that all of u will be happier !!!!!!!!!
Fuck
what we could have been, 3:14 AM.
