Who would notice my disapperance, if one day, I die?

Why are you treating me in this way?

Do you love me?

Love, is no longer about two individuals loving each other. Sometimes, it involves two families, two sides of friends, and many things. Because what I'm looking into is a lifetime of love, a lifetime of relationship, and a lifetime of family. I'm not a girl who just yearns for someone to love her, but a realistic girl who is planning for a future. Things, have changed. And even my love for you have grown stronger and stronger each day. Perhaps, a relationship is just like flying a kite. Perhaps, it's time for me to loosen it. Love, commitment, future. Hurts.

Sometimes, no one understands. If this continue, I will go crazy

Sometimes, I'm disappointed , I'm upset. But I do not wish you to be sandwiched in the middle. So I always act to be okay but I'm not. Just because I act to be strong, it doesn't mean that I do not need to be cared for. Maybe, maybe other girls are upset, they showed that they are upset , and you may show your concern. Or maybe, I'm just plain jealous, that's it. Whatever it is , one sentence .. Act blur live longer ...

有时想，朋友会比情人好吗？ 朋友就能一辈子地对彼此好，从不埋怨。以前都会被你疼爱，现在原来成为了你的负担。出去不像以前一样的甜蜜。就不喜欢你对我凶。如果你能对朋友好过情人，我有时候真的很希望继续做你的朋友。。。

Still feeling uncomfortable the fact that you went mj with them , or rather , with her . I know it's nothing wrong , she's your friend , and you guys are in a group but I just can't help it but to feel uncomfortable. I always leave it to you if you wanna go out with them . I don't wish to be unreasonable either . When can I be more " 大方" enough and not to feel uncomfortable when she is there ? I'm not a fool , not a fool enough to act as if nothin happen even if all those that she scolded me on were the past. Not a fool enough to believe that she was not scolding me

Awesome! Term break! To be exact, it only last for a month, but who cares?! But at least I'm free from studying for a moment! (:

Time for me to get back to work to earn some allowance for myself again. Not used to this kind of life, still prefer the independent side of mine. (;


CHIONG SANDY CHIONG

你， 害怕死亡吗？


最近，对死亡的感触很深。偶尔会担心自己会不会就不明不白地离开这个世界。死亡，不分年龄，也不会有任何警告。来就来，去就去。最可怕的是，若你离开，也不知道。人，只活一次。并没有什么九条命。所以，我的人生，就是要做我爱做的事。什么不愉快的事，我只允许自己不开心一天，然后，人生就因该精精彩彩地过， 这，才是我美丽的人生。

已经二十二岁了，可是我还有很多事还没做，很多梦想还没实现。 加油吧！我可以的！

Lying on my bed, having a very bad tummy pain. The bad pain that I had two years ago, totally freak me off.. How I wished you are by my side right now... Oh well... o.O ... 

Sometimes, life's amazing. I have realized that whatever that had happened in the past, ultimately, they are nothing, but the past, but the memories. So all the more in life, we should learn how to cherish what we had now.

I have been thinking a lot about my future. Whether can I open my own cafe... whether I will have my own house, own family, and of cause , marry to the guy I love... 

How to be successful in life? It is to forgive and forget the past. (: Girls always forgive, but never forget. I wished to do both of them. Can I? 

Unknowingly, we have been together for 22 months, and 3 days.. and Im still counting.. and I hope the number is infinite. (:

爱，真的很奇妙，不是吗？

什么是爱情？

爱，就是两个人幼稚地为很多小小的事情吵架。
爱，就是一张开眼就想看到对方。
爱，就是呼吸着有彼此的空气`。
爱，就是想握着彼此的手不放。
爱，就是一起数星星。
爱，就是把对方给喂肥，然后笑对方肥。
爱。。。。 没什么叫真爱，或永远的爱，或永远的甜美。
爱，最终会剩下的只有。。。信任，包容，体谅。
那，就是爱。

我们的爱。

This kind of life, how long will it last?

My life in the future, how would it be like? And to my future.... I'm really looking forward to it. Be it are you the guy of my life, or not, I have plan my life ahead.... If we are really fated, we will walk through this path together...



Come on Sandy, you will be successful one day and fulfil all your dreams!

I'm sorry. I'm nothing, but just a burden.

Dear blog,

Monday and Tuesday were my off day. Things get pretty well. I studied, I go to school, I do my workshop activity, I did my project, and motivated to do my project and had even came up with a draft for my upcoming IM project. MRA is on the track with 35 pages worth of report. 

But things went down today. Ever since I go back to work. Im not ranting about my work, or maybe Im just not whom I used to be. Everyone , anyone can just be so disappointed with me just because I feel like giving up now. But than again, how long have I been this strong and now I really just need a rest.  I do not need anyone to be disappointed with me just because I feel like giving up. I dont owe anyone a life. 

I have tried my best today during the unannoucned travel .Yes, Im very affected that I cant do a good job whenever there is a travel. This greatly affects my mood. Sales and GC were up, I did extend crew, I did call in crew to punch in early. But, still, the shift........ Im just not that perfect manager anymore. And for a moment, I stayed inside the chiller sobbing away. 

This work, had made me skipped school many times. I had skipped for a total of three times since the start of school . No matter how tired I am, I would drag myself to school in the past. But now, as long as some unhappy thing happen at work, I chose to skip school. 

I hate this feeling. I hate this unknowingly crying. Whatever over is over, but why am I pondering over my failures? These 16 days, I do not know how to pull through. 

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ANYWAY. 

No one understands. Mon sch after overnight shift. Tues go school project. Wed work plus sch. Thur work plus sch plus PRE SOR. Fri work plus project at school. Sometimes I thought that there are some people would have understand me but I was wrong. I just want to get out of this kind of life, but none of you understand. I dont need all of you to remind me that I can the work timing I wanna and I brought all these upon myself! If none of you understand me, just keep quiet. I see no point talking to anyone about this anymore since everything is my fault.

I never thought that I would come to this stage in my life. I thought I was a strong girl all along . I hope I can control myself and hoping things get better after 15 June. Sometimes , whatever I do is forever not enough , I can never be that perfect manager. Ya , I choose this path , I will just have to bite on tightly and move on. The more people says that my life is nothing and not stress , the more agitated I feel , the more I hate my life , the more I want to move myself away from others . I need someone to talk to , someone who truly understand me. Why am I worrying over small issues ? Getting upset over past events . Getting that kind of anxiety . No one understand !

No one to talk to. I wished to know the reason why I have been crying out of no reason too. None of you understand, not even you. I dont like my life now, that's all I know. I do not know what I'm stress about either, I wish to know too. But I always cry when I'm alone, I cry after work , I cry before I need to go to work . I know that there should be nothing to be stress about at overnight shift , but I just cry. The worse thing is, I could not control. I'm no longer the strong sandy whom I used to be. I seemed to have lost myself. I lost the world. I'm lost.

Am I, exactly happy with the life I am in right now? Probably what everyone telling me is TRUE. I BROUGHT ALL THESE UPON MYSELF. But again, all I need is a little support. No matter what choices I make, stop saying it is all my fault, neither am I pushing my miserable life to anyone of you. If you guys are my true friend, just be there for me and stop pouring cold water on me. I know you guys would definitely say that I would regret one day if I resign now, but I can be very clear that if I don't resign now, I will go crazy and break down. All of you said that, "Im also studying and working, I also tired what", "If I were you, I can take it, it is how you manage the time ".... hello? I dont need all these from you guys! Try taking three modules at one go! Try to step into my life! Try working 9 - 10 hours shift per day, go school for 3 hours, go home to rush assignment! TRY IT! Ya, so what if i WEAK? I dont need to act to be strong anymore. All these years, Im really sick of this life anyway!

What am I to do? Been having bad headache whenever I need to go to school. Pop myself with panadols. Am I too stress? Anxiety. Why have I been crying whenever I'm alone? I cant control. Worse, I do not even know what's my reason for crying. The thought of working tomorrow, fears me out. I tried to show everyone that Im okay, but Im not. I hate putting up a strong front. I have been doing so for so many years. Maybe I really do not know what I want in life. I fear, fear for another failure tomorrow. Fear for all the exams, projects, tests.

What can I do, to feel better, to ease off all my stress? I need someone to talk to ...

Other than crying, what else can I do ? How much do I have to cry? How much do I have to feel the pain in my heart when I panic, anxious or stress? Why am I crying and crying for no reason?