I never thought that I would come to this stage in my life. I thought I was a strong girl all along . I hope I can control myself and hoping things get better after 15 June. Sometimes , whatever I do is forever not enough , I can never be that perfect manager. Ya , I choose this path , I will just have to bite on tightly and move on. The more people says that my life is nothing and not stress , the more agitated I feel , the more I hate my life , the more I want to move myself away from others . I need someone to talk to , someone who truly understand me. Why am I worrying over small issues ? Getting upset over past events . Getting that kind of anxiety . No one understand !

No one to talk to. I wished to know the reason why I have been crying out of no reason too. None of you understand, not even you. I dont like my life now, that's all I know. I do not know what I'm stress about either, I wish to know too. But I always cry when I'm alone, I cry after work , I cry before I need to go to work . I know that there should be nothing to be stress about at overnight shift , but I just cry. The worse thing is, I could not control. I'm no longer the strong sandy whom I used to be. I seemed to have lost myself. I lost the world. I'm lost.

Am I, exactly happy with the life I am in right now? Probably what everyone telling me is TRUE. I BROUGHT ALL THESE UPON MYSELF. But again, all I need is a little support. No matter what choices I make, stop saying it is all my fault, neither am I pushing my miserable life to anyone of you. If you guys are my true friend, just be there for me and stop pouring cold water on me. I know you guys would definitely say that I would regret one day if I resign now, but I can be very clear that if I don't resign now, I will go crazy and break down. All of you said that, "Im also studying and working, I also tired what", "If I were you, I can take it, it is how you manage the time ".... hello? I dont need all these from you guys! Try taking three modules at one go! Try to step into my life! Try working 9 - 10 hours shift per day, go school for 3 hours, go home to rush assignment! TRY IT! Ya, so what if i WEAK? I dont need to act to be strong anymore. All these years, Im really sick of this life anyway!

What am I to do? Been having bad headache whenever I need to go to school. Pop myself with panadols. Am I too stress? Anxiety. Why have I been crying whenever I'm alone? I cant control. Worse, I do not even know what's my reason for crying. The thought of working tomorrow, fears me out. I tried to show everyone that Im okay, but Im not. I hate putting up a strong front. I have been doing so for so many years. Maybe I really do not know what I want in life. I fear, fear for another failure tomorrow. Fear for all the exams, projects, tests.

What can I do, to feel better, to ease off all my stress? I need someone to talk to ...

Other than crying, what else can I do ? How much do I have to cry? How much do I have to feel the pain in my heart when I panic, anxious or stress? Why am I crying and crying for no reason?

Back to one day one meal life when school starts . Why am I not a rich girl ? I'm really tired of this life. Why do others can jus simply focus on their studies but I need to work and study? Did I make a wrong decision to stay? The urge to leave is still very strong. I just wanna shout out loud that I'm still a human who bleeds, who have emotion , who need to eat and rest... Why am i working extra harder ? But end of the day, no one appreciate it? And yes , I cried while on the way home . I hate this feeling of being alone. I wanna fight for my own dream but I do not have the ability ... I brought all these upon myself ... Will I really be able to pull through to end of the year? I'm really , tired. As if others would understand how I feel ? Others would only expect me to understand how they feel .... I don't really care how other see in me anymore... I have been giving in too much ... It's time to , speak out .

Stress with my life definitely... Work , studies , projects , test , schedule ... Hopefully , I will be able to cope them well as usual ....

Things pretty much gets better ... But I have yet to put back the ring to my finger . Probably I'm trying my very best to keep a distance from you to prevent myself from getting hurt again ... But , one thing for sure , I love you .

I'm going crazy . Who would understand ? I used to have you to rant about my stress at school but now I do not know who to turn to. Im not letting go totally but having a short break could be good for us .... I will only want to spend my lifetime writ you. Only .

Alright . I know I'm not perfect . But I have my rights to at least sleep huh ? I have to work and study at the same time . It's not that I do not wish to accommodate ... People who are rich doesn't spare a thought fr others. I'm always being made used and than dump aside . Thanks ah ....