Who would notice my disapperance, if one day, I die?

Why are you treating me in this way?

Do you love me?

Love, is no longer about two individuals loving each other. Sometimes, it involves two families, two sides of friends, and many things. Because what I'm looking into is a lifetime of love, a lifetime of relationship, and a lifetime of family. I'm not a girl who just yearns for someone to love her, but a realistic girl who is planning for a future. Things, have changed. And even my love for you have grown stronger and stronger each day. Perhaps, a relationship is just like flying a kite. Perhaps, it's time for me to loosen it. Love, commitment, future. Hurts.

Sometimes, no one understands. If this continue, I will go crazy

Sometimes, I'm disappointed , I'm upset. But I do not wish you to be sandwiched in the middle. So I always act to be okay but I'm not. Just because I act to be strong, it doesn't mean that I do not need to be cared for. Maybe, maybe other girls are upset, they showed that they are upset , and you may show your concern. Or maybe, I'm just plain jealous, that's it. Whatever it is , one sentence .. Act blur live longer ...

有时想，朋友会比情人好吗？ 朋友就能一辈子地对彼此好，从不埋怨。以前都会被你疼爱，现在原来成为了你的负担。出去不像以前一样的甜蜜。就不喜欢你对我凶。如果你能对朋友好过情人，我有时候真的很希望继续做你的朋友。。。

Still feeling uncomfortable the fact that you went mj with them , or rather , with her . I know it's nothing wrong , she's your friend , and you guys are in a group but I just can't help it but to feel uncomfortable. I always leave it to you if you wanna go out with them . I don't wish to be unreasonable either . When can I be more " 大方" enough and not to feel uncomfortable when she is there ? I'm not a fool , not a fool enough to act as if nothin happen even if all those that she scolded me on were the past. Not a fool enough to believe that she was not scolding me

Awesome! Term break! To be exact, it only last for a month, but who cares?! But at least I'm free from studying for a moment! (:

Time for me to get back to work to earn some allowance for myself again. Not used to this kind of life, still prefer the independent side of mine. (;


CHIONG SANDY CHIONG

你， 害怕死亡吗？


最近，对死亡的感触很深。偶尔会担心自己会不会就不明不白地离开这个世界。死亡，不分年龄，也不会有任何警告。来就来，去就去。最可怕的是，若你离开，也不知道。人，只活一次。并没有什么九条命。所以，我的人生，就是要做我爱做的事。什么不愉快的事，我只允许自己不开心一天，然后，人生就因该精精彩彩地过， 这，才是我美丽的人生。

已经二十二岁了，可是我还有很多事还没做，很多梦想还没实现。 加油吧！我可以的！

Lying on my bed, having a very bad tummy pain. The bad pain that I had two years ago, totally freak me off.. How I wished you are by my side right now... Oh well... o.O ... 

Sometimes, life's amazing. I have realized that whatever that had happened in the past, ultimately, they are nothing, but the past, but the memories. So all the more in life, we should learn how to cherish what we had now.

I have been thinking a lot about my future. Whether can I open my own cafe... whether I will have my own house, own family, and of cause , marry to the guy I love... 

How to be successful in life? It is to forgive and forget the past. (: Girls always forgive, but never forget. I wished to do both of them. Can I? 

Unknowingly, we have been together for 22 months, and 3 days.. and Im still counting.. and I hope the number is infinite. (:

爱，真的很奇妙，不是吗？

什么是爱情？

爱，就是两个人幼稚地为很多小小的事情吵架。
爱，就是一张开眼就想看到对方。
爱，就是呼吸着有彼此的空气`。
爱，就是想握着彼此的手不放。
爱，就是一起数星星。
爱，就是把对方给喂肥，然后笑对方肥。
爱。。。。 没什么叫真爱，或永远的爱，或永远的甜美。
爱，最终会剩下的只有。。。信任，包容，体谅。
那，就是爱。

我们的爱。

This kind of life, how long will it last?

My life in the future, how would it be like? And to my future.... I'm really looking forward to it. Be it are you the guy of my life, or not, I have plan my life ahead.... If we are really fated, we will walk through this path together...



Come on Sandy, you will be successful one day and fulfil all your dreams!

I'm sorry. I'm nothing, but just a burden.

Dear blog,

Monday and Tuesday were my off day. Things get pretty well. I studied, I go to school, I do my workshop activity, I did my project, and motivated to do my project and had even came up with a draft for my upcoming IM project. MRA is on the track with 35 pages worth of report. 

But things went down today. Ever since I go back to work. Im not ranting about my work, or maybe Im just not whom I used to be. Everyone , anyone can just be so disappointed with me just because I feel like giving up now. But than again, how long have I been this strong and now I really just need a rest.  I do not need anyone to be disappointed with me just because I feel like giving up. I dont owe anyone a life. 

I have tried my best today during the unannoucned travel .Yes, Im very affected that I cant do a good job whenever there is a travel. This greatly affects my mood. Sales and GC were up, I did extend crew, I did call in crew to punch in early. But, still, the shift........ Im just not that perfect manager anymore. And for a moment, I stayed inside the chiller sobbing away. 

This work, had made me skipped school many times. I had skipped for a total of three times since the start of school . No matter how tired I am, I would drag myself to school in the past. But now, as long as some unhappy thing happen at work, I chose to skip school. 

I hate this feeling. I hate this unknowingly crying. Whatever over is over, but why am I pondering over my failures? These 16 days, I do not know how to pull through. 

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ANYWAY. 

No one understands. Mon sch after overnight shift. Tues go school project. Wed work plus sch. Thur work plus sch plus PRE SOR. Fri work plus project at school. Sometimes I thought that there are some people would have understand me but I was wrong. I just want to get out of this kind of life, but none of you understand. I dont need all of you to remind me that I can the work timing I wanna and I brought all these upon myself! If none of you understand me, just keep quiet. I see no point talking to anyone about this anymore since everything is my fault.

I never thought that I would come to this stage in my life. I thought I was a strong girl all along . I hope I can control myself and hoping things get better after 15 June. Sometimes , whatever I do is forever not enough , I can never be that perfect manager. Ya , I choose this path , I will just have to bite on tightly and move on. The more people says that my life is nothing and not stress , the more agitated I feel , the more I hate my life , the more I want to move myself away from others . I need someone to talk to , someone who truly understand me. Why am I worrying over small issues ? Getting upset over past events . Getting that kind of anxiety . No one understand !

No one to talk to. I wished to know the reason why I have been crying out of no reason too. None of you understand, not even you. I dont like my life now, that's all I know. I do not know what I'm stress about either, I wish to know too. But I always cry when I'm alone, I cry after work , I cry before I need to go to work . I know that there should be nothing to be stress about at overnight shift , but I just cry. The worse thing is, I could not control. I'm no longer the strong sandy whom I used to be. I seemed to have lost myself. I lost the world. I'm lost.

Am I, exactly happy with the life I am in right now? Probably what everyone telling me is TRUE. I BROUGHT ALL THESE UPON MYSELF. But again, all I need is a little support. No matter what choices I make, stop saying it is all my fault, neither am I pushing my miserable life to anyone of you. If you guys are my true friend, just be there for me and stop pouring cold water on me. I know you guys would definitely say that I would regret one day if I resign now, but I can be very clear that if I don't resign now, I will go crazy and break down. All of you said that, "Im also studying and working, I also tired what", "If I were you, I can take it, it is how you manage the time ".... hello? I dont need all these from you guys! Try taking three modules at one go! Try to step into my life! Try working 9 - 10 hours shift per day, go school for 3 hours, go home to rush assignment! TRY IT! Ya, so what if i WEAK? I dont need to act to be strong anymore. All these years, Im really sick of this life anyway!

What am I to do? Been having bad headache whenever I need to go to school. Pop myself with panadols. Am I too stress? Anxiety. Why have I been crying whenever I'm alone? I cant control. Worse, I do not even know what's my reason for crying. The thought of working tomorrow, fears me out. I tried to show everyone that Im okay, but Im not. I hate putting up a strong front. I have been doing so for so many years. Maybe I really do not know what I want in life. I fear, fear for another failure tomorrow. Fear for all the exams, projects, tests.

What can I do, to feel better, to ease off all my stress? I need someone to talk to ...

Other than crying, what else can I do ? How much do I have to cry? How much do I have to feel the pain in my heart when I panic, anxious or stress? Why am I crying and crying for no reason?

Back to one day one meal life when school starts . Why am I not a rich girl ? I'm really tired of this life. Why do others can jus simply focus on their studies but I need to work and study? Did I make a wrong decision to stay? The urge to leave is still very strong. I just wanna shout out loud that I'm still a human who bleeds, who have emotion , who need to eat and rest... Why am i working extra harder ? But end of the day, no one appreciate it? And yes , I cried while on the way home . I hate this feeling of being alone. I wanna fight for my own dream but I do not have the ability ... I brought all these upon myself ... Will I really be able to pull through to end of the year? I'm really , tired. As if others would understand how I feel ? Others would only expect me to understand how they feel .... I don't really care how other see in me anymore... I have been giving in too much ... It's time to , speak out .

Stress with my life definitely... Work , studies , projects , test , schedule ... Hopefully , I will be able to cope them well as usual ....

Things pretty much gets better ... But I have yet to put back the ring to my finger . Probably I'm trying my very best to keep a distance from you to prevent myself from getting hurt again ... But , one thing for sure , I love you .

I'm going crazy . Who would understand ? I used to have you to rant about my stress at school but now I do not know who to turn to. Im not letting go totally but having a short break could be good for us .... I will only want to spend my lifetime writ you. Only .

Alright . I know I'm not perfect . But I have my rights to at least sleep huh ? I have to work and study at the same time . It's not that I do not wish to accommodate ... People who are rich doesn't spare a thought fr others. I'm always being made used and than dump aside . Thanks ah ....

Are you giving up already ? I'm speechless , totally . Hurt.

You are the only guy that I truly love , and the only guy I ever thought of my future ...

I have not given up , but ....

For so much heartbreak, I'm trying to get used of my life without you ... Probably this would be the best way out ... But deep down , we know that as long as we have each other in our heart . I'm working hard for my future ...

Forgiving too much makes me forget who I really am .. When the cycle goes over and over again , I believed that both of us are tired ....

Im still pinning on hopes ..

Waiting for the day ....


Missed.

Back to square one , same old question , how much do you love me ? Feel so awful when you just wanna leave the house like that, leaving me alone. I don't understand ... This period of time , is the hardest time for me... Can't you just give me a little understanding ? I knew that I might have let you wait for 5 minutes after work , but it is my full time job. We may not be able to go for movies or dates like other couples , I may be studying right after work and you are there to accompany me .. You may feel bored but please know that I'm fighting for my future , hoping that it is our future too ... How can I confide in you when I made problems at work ? Sometimes need a big hug from you after 9 hours of shift and from all the tiredness , but the first thing is to be scolded by you when I came to meet you ... Try , try to live me life .. The life of working 9 hours per day and studying 4 to 5 hours per day .. I may have my little temper , but how can I not have a temper ?? Even those managers without studying already cannot take it .. Or those full time crews can't take it .. How can I as a full time manager and a part time student take it ? I wanted so much to tell you how tired I am after work today , but I'm just putting up a strong front in front of everyone ! I wished to be myself in front of you , but now it seems impossible ...


I'm tired ... Real tired ..

Life is like a cigarette, without realising it you are puffing it away into the thin air and when start to realise it was gone and it will be too late. If only you realised that I could be this cigarette of yours.

It was never easy to forgive and forget but somehow if you want to be ruler of your life than you need to master BOTH of them at the same time. Some fights or problems were tough but worth it in certain ways. I start to question myself is all these worth it? I believe that, it will be worth it, so please don't prove me wrong. 

Remember for what I have been crushed down can always be rebuilt again for if you have strong foundation beneath it, build it back yourself or best, build it both together, remember for you and your life partners are one, and you should be working it out together no matter how touch it will be. 

I hope, we can build this foundation back together, despite the scars or hurt within. Let time wash away all the sorrows. 

*- If you do not know how to draw a clear line between yourself and other girls ;  than I will have to draw a clear line between me and you ; you make the choice -* 

There isn't a need to talk about building trust anymore when you can't even tell me one truth. Don't blame me for not trusting you in every single thing cause you brought all this upon yourself. Your action speaks alot. The present in your bike boot, when she mentioned she wanna vomit sitting on your bike, when you said you are at her house downstair waiting for her, I knew it that you went to fetch her. If your conscious is clear, just let me know... Why do you want to hide it from me? No matter where I go, what I do, I make it a point to let you know cause I respect you. And how about you? Do I even matters to you?

Now I don't even want to hug you when I'm sitting behind your bike, I cant stop thinking how other girl holding your waist behind you when you brake or whatsoever. Now I don't even wanna look you straight in your eyes, cause all I see in your eyes is LIES.

I chose to live on. I chose to let you do what you like. In future whether do you wanna be frank to be or lie to me, its all up to you. I have NO MORE TRUST or FAITH in you anymore. Don't blame me for being cold towards you.

This valentine day, so not looking forward.


My life = work + studies, and nothing else!


HURT once or twice, is enough to be painful for a lifetime.

Back together, but everything seems different. The trust and faith is no longer there. This is the last, and only chance given to you. No words to describe how hurt I have felt... Especially I made myself to trust you and you proved me wrong.

Everyone says that NS is the best time to test the love any couple would have, and the most scenerio would be the girl being unfaithful or whatsoever... But.....Probably Im a bad girlfriend, not having enough time for you... Maybe you feel lonely... maybe maybe.... But the time I spent was on work and studies, is it fair for me huh? Im fighting for my future, our probably our future.. but what are you doing? Doing things you think it is fun to hurt me?

Even in the eyes of my mum, I was the bad one... How much I have done to protect you and you dont even understand?


The last chance, I know everything will be different though.... Really need more time to cool down.....


I hope, you can promise me this time round, and fulfil what you had to fulfil... If you love me, you will do anything for me, dont you?

Why have things turned out to be this way ?

When the trust is no longer there, it hurts so much ... The same cycle over and over again. If I need a fall to learn, I'm having a great fall now , and it's real pain.

Have been covering my emotions at work and school and at home... To act like I'm fine and co concentrate at work and make e crews laugh when I can't even laugh myself ... I hate this mixed feelings...

Whatever things changed in this world, I'm sure my love for you remains....

Once ; twice ; never....

Being hurt once and twice is enough ; or rather more than enough I should say. When can you ever understand that I was serious and totally affected by you? All you do was to smile while I'm crying and hurt. Why must all these go over and over again like a cycle? Tell me, how am I supposed to find the trust and faith in you again? I tried to trust you again since last year, but all these had to happen again.

Am I not being a good girlfriend enough or are you lonely? Am I not spending enough time with you? Whats wrong seriously?


Totally hurt by you this time round ; I guess I wont be able to find back the trust I had in you anymore.

Thank god, I will LOVE myself more from now on.

I hope you would read this, if it happened again, sorry, I will be gone forever.

Hurt. Blinded. Gone.

Even though it was just a short trip to town with you and it's just a window shopping , I really enjoyed it ... You are the love of my life...

Well, girls are always sensitive ... Don't you know this ? I dunno why I'm being sensitive ... It's not a matter of no trust .. But it's a matter of how my heart feels .... Maybe I'm bein paranoid just because you are good friend to your ex.. Other people may be able to accept the fact that their current bf or gf can be friends with their ex.. But to me , I beg to differ ...